


Softer Side of Chaos

by dizzydaffodils



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, caleb doesn't acknowledge his feelings: the fic, dad jokes, spoilers for episode 14??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14486019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzydaffodils/pseuds/dizzydaffodils
Summary: Caleb likes Mollymauk's laugh a lot. He likes it even better when he's the reason for that laughter.





	Softer Side of Chaos

“Did you just tell a joke?”

Mollymauk's face was lit up with with delight and Caleb tamped down the surge of warmth that bubbled up in his chest in response. It hadn't been an easy night for the tiefling, and here he was able to smile and laugh so easily over such a small thing. It was admirable, Caleb thought as he hid his smile behind his hand that was now poking idly at the side of his cheek.

“No,” he said gently, looking away in his act of playing dumb.

Without falter, “Aw, that's a shame. It was a very good one.” The smile was still softening his words and Caleb knew it was there without having to look at him.

The moment passed, but the soft warm feeling lingered through the evening. Caleb didn't think very differently of Mollymauk after the truth came out, he really couldn't. They were still mostly strangers to each other and all his forced honesty had done was further proven to Caleb that everyone around him was strange and extraordinary in some way or another. Still, being able to make someone so... _new_ laugh in a moment of distress was something truly beautiful. It made looking at the colorful man a little less blinding.

And blinding he was. Caleb was admittedly overwhelmed by a lot but, but experience was on his side for the most part and made things manageable. He could process and wrap his mind around a lot of what daily life threw his way but Mollymauk wasn't _most things_. He was conspicuous in every conceivable way and it had made Caleb's head hurt if he lingered on the potential motives behind that for too long.

His laughter had always been a saving grace of sorts. It was one of the very few things Caleb had always found to be honest and soft about Mollymauk. Being the reason for that laughter was exciting in a way Caleb hadn't felt in many, many years, but to continue seeking out this warmth would be selfish and altogether very foolish on his part. The last thing he needed to do was to indulge such messy feelings...especially when those feelings could cause tension in the group. He and Nott had already been chastised for their unwillingness to communicate and participate fully and he didn't want to make matters worse by favoring someone in their group in such a way.

Things seemed to remain the same between Caleb and Mollymauk while his dynamic with the rest of the group changed. He was seeking out their company more, and soon it shifted from being out of necessity and into just something he wanted to do. He wanted to share opinions with Fjord, he wanted to pick Beau's brain and swap information with her. He stopped minding so much when Jester would invade his personal space and tease him, knowing that it wasn't out of malice and instead being almost happy to get to be a source of fun for her. He even felt calmer around Yasha, trusting her and whatever secrets she was hiding.

He liked these people, and not just for the safety and monetary gain that him and Nott had found in their company. Nott's reservations were still pretty obvious but he would catch her joking around with Jester or watching over the others with a softness in her eyes and he knew she was slowly but surely growing more comfortable with them as well.

It didn't happen terribly often, but there were moments where his eyes would seek out Mollymauk in the middle of the chaos of a battle or even just the chaos of his own anxieties, and he would find those fierce red eyes already turned in his direction. He tried not to notice it and tried even harder to ignore the feeling it gave him. It was all too overwhelming and bright for him. Caleb liked things to be quiet and simple, and there were too few things about Mollymauk that fit that description for the pull he felt towards him to make any sense.

Despite the mindful walls Caleb kept up, he couldn't help himself from reaching out in the moments where no one else seemed to notice when Mollymauk would shift into a state of distress. Be it the nervous fidgeting of his fingers as he toyed with the hem of his over the top coat or the way that his tail would sometimes wind itself around his leg when he would am up the bravado and try to hide his nerves with both hands clasped firmly around a tankard, no one else seemed to notice but the often absent Yasha. Within the group, ironically, it seemed that between the pair of them, Caleb was the one who stood out the most in his fragile moments, clearly just to spite his attempts of hiding. Mollymauk, with his well crafted mask that dared you not to let your eyes linger on him or track his movements as he slunk about, often seemed to fall through the cracks of his own design.

One such instance came not too long after they hit the road again and had to resort to camping out under the stars. The night had started off simple enough, but somewhere between second and third watch, the group was ambushed by a wandering group of bandits.

The bandits themselves weren't much to fuss over, just a bunch of low level punks, but Caleb was slow with his grogginess and found himself held in place with a fist latched into his hair and a knife pressed to his throat. Demands were being barked from behind from a voice too shaky to not know what a horrible mistake the owner was making as his eyes darted around the camp to make sure Nott was okay. She was poised within seconds, almost unnoticed in her hiding spot behind the cart. Without warning a bolt shot across the camp and Caleb found himself slamming his eyes shut and trying to yank himself away as it tore through his hair and shot into the bandit's arm.

He fell to the ground, wide eyed and a little shaken up. Not wanting to seem ungrateful for her assistance, however _terrifying_ it might have been, he tried to scramble up and away from his captors and to her side. The fight was over before he could even process the fact that a blur of color had intercepted him and kept pulling him back away from the camp. He was shoved down to his knees and there were much more careful hands on his head as his mind whipped around.

“Are you alright?” Mollymauk's hushed voice swam into his ears as the tiefling gently carded through his hair. It took a moment for Caleb to realize that he was checking him for any possible injuries he might have sustained from the bolt and he shook himself out of his slightly shocked state.

  
“Ja, ja, I'm fine,” he assured him as he sat back on his haunches and looked around to take note of everything around them. Mollymauk had pulled them too far from the camp for him to make out anything but the yellow dancing cast of the fire through the trees but he could hear Beauregard threatening the bandits and Fjord's voice interjecting quietly every so often and making her stammer.

Mollymauk sighed and mirrored Caleb's body but he didn't leave the space between them empty for long. He reached up and touched the side of Caleb's head again and made a face as he let his hand drop back into his lap. “She really did a number on you. You're going to need to get a haircut to even it out...”

His shoulders were hunched up and his brow was knit, making him look uncharacteristically weary, and Caleb absolutely _hated it_. Before he could really think of a response, one was already tumbling out of his mouth. “Don't be silly, Mollymauk. I will likely have to get _most_ of my hairs cut.”

Mollymauk stilled and a deep frown carved into his face as he stared at Caleb and for a moment, a sinking pit started to take shape in the wizard's gut as he watched but to his relief, the frown quickly broke as Mollymauk's face split into a grin. “That was bloody awful, Caleb,” he breathed out and hid his face behind his hand. Caleb relaxed as he watched the tiefling's shoulders shake with the laughter he was now trying to muffle into the sleeve of his coat.

Watching Mollymauk try to suppress his laughter had Caleb's heart in his throat and he tried desperately to swallow it back down to little avail. Before long those red eyes pierced through the dim lighting and it was like being held captive all over again, but this time it was Mollymauk's smile that had his breath catching.

“That was worse than one of Nott's jokes,” he groaned. His eyes crinkled at the corners with laugh lines and betrayed him.

Caleb became acutely aware of how close Mollymauk had shifted towards him around this time and he swallowed hard enough that the sound of it filled his ears and blocked everything else out for a second. He was certain Mollymauk had to have heard it too, but he didn't react if he did. He simply stayed still and held Caleb's gaze for much longer than the wizard was used to but instead of desperately looking away, he swayed under it, growing softer.

Mollymauk's lips fell open just slightly enough for Caleb's eyes to shift down towards the movement and he was certain the man was going to say something but he licked his bottom lip before worrying it with his fang. His lips looked so soft and the moment felt slow like honey and Caleb was tired and frazzled and wanted _so badly_ to just melt into it and stop thinking so much. His heart was fluttering frantically in his chest and it almost, _almost_ , drowned out the sound of rustling behind him.

“Caleb!” came a high pitched cry as a small green mass plowed into his side. “Are you hurt?”

Mollymauk was already on his feet and heading back towards the camp before Caleb could assure Nott that she hadn't hit him with her well-aimed attack. He tried not to acknowledge the disappointment that weighed him down as Nott's concerned twittering filled his ears but didn't fully register. By the time the pair made it back, Mollymauk was tucked away in his bedroll with his eyes shut and remained stiff and silent while the rest of the group fussed over Caleb.

When the time finally came, Caleb propped himself up against a nearby tree and took watch as the others all returned back to their own beds and it didn't take long before he was surrounded by the deep breathing of his sleeping friends. He carded his hand through his hair now, deciding it was time to try and survey the damage while no one was watching to see him in a moment of what could be considered vanity. It wasn't too bad, or at least he hoped. He'd been meaning to get a trim anyway.

He completed his watch without any further hiccups and carefully woke up Fjord to finish out the night so he could try (and fail) to get some more rest. He laid there on his back until he felt it was a reasonable hour to get up and start packing up, trying to ignore the stiffness in his joints.

Neither of them talk about it, and nothing changed. Caleb ignores his disappointment and acts like he doesn't notice Mollymauk noticing him less frequently. This was just how things were meant to be.

But still, Caleb _does_ notice. He notices the way that Beau and Mollymauk's once genuine digs at each other shift into something more akin to a playful banter. They work well as a team, and it makes Caleb's chest ache with fondness. Whatever this thing was, he wanted so badly for it to work and watching the rest of them play was setting his nerves at ease. Even when he wasn't awkwardly stumbling along in the direct line of their social interactions, he found comfort in the background noise they provided him while he studied.

At first it hadn't been too much of a balancing act for Caleb when it came down to divvying up his time between meeting the needs of the group and meeting his own personal need for self growth. Things rarely work out that simply, he was dispirited to remember on a particularly blustery morning out on the hunt through the city for supplies.

He had been up all night pouring through a few seemingly promising tomes Nott had swiped for him the day before. They had given him little to no new insight on their current quarry and the group was forced to rely on hearsay and town rumors. Even if he weren't on the verge of complete exhaustion, Caleb would be in a foul mood.

He had his coat pulled up tightly around himself and his scarf wrapped messily around his head. His facial hair was more unkempt than usual and scratching against the rough fabric, making his face itch. The dull ache in his spine wasn't adding to his overall demeanor and he wanted nothing more than to get back to the comfort of the inn and drink some hot tea before crawling under as many blankets as he could gather and going back to bed for just a few hours longer.

“Caleb?”

The soft voice registered in his head after it repeated a few times. Fjord was saying something. His lifted his head to look up towards the source of the sound to find the rest of them staring at him. “You alright?”

“Uh, _ja_ -yes, why do you ask?”

Jester piped up, her voice bubbling out of her so loud that it caused Caleb to flinch. “You're falling behind, Caleb! We had to back track to find you. Do you need me to hold you hand so you don't get lost?”

He just frowned at her, his jaw clenching a little as he tried to think of an acceptable response. “I'm...sorry?” he offered as he tried to bundle up more and simultaneously dig his hands into the fabric of his coat to shield them from the harsh, nipping wind.

Mollymauk took a few steps closer, breaking their ranks in front of him. He stared blatantly at Caleb's face for a moment. “Tsk,” he breathed out and cocked his head to the side. “You look like you're about to keel over.”

For the first time in a very long time, Caleb considered the consequences of just _walking away_ from them. His shoulders slumped forward and he mumbled another halfhearted apology under his breath, but Mollymauk seemed to be having none of it as he closed the distance between them and pressed himself into Caleb's side. The warmth radiating off of his body was far too inviting for Caleb to jerk away from and instead he curled into it, too tired and cold to be ashamed of his open moment of weakness.

“He's going to get sick if he keeps pressing on like this,” Yasha spoke up, her voice soft yet stern.

Jester cooed in agreeance. “We can handle the shopping today without you, Caleb! You should go sleep.”

Before he could even pretend to protest, he was being pulled away and turned around. “You should have said something,” Mollymauk chastised as they departed.

Caleb didn't answer, instead his settled for not jerking away when Mollymauk wrapped his arm around his upper back and steered him. If he wasn't standing upright, he was pretty sure he could fall asleep pressed into his warmth. He always did his best not to be jealous of others who had what he lacked because it would be entirely too time consuming, but he found himself shamelessly coveting Mollymauk's heat. He hummed a weak response to let the other man know that he wasn't completely ignoring him.

It felt like it took much longer to get back to the inn than it probably should, and he couldn't fully comprehend how much of his weight he was putting on Mollymauk until the tiefling shifted to open the door and Caleb almost fell to the ground. He righted himself up and clambered inside, taking a deep breath of the dry warm air. A hand on his back was shoving him towards the stairs and he conceded, shambling towards them as Mollymauk split off from him.

Caleb immediately missed his body heat but assumed he was going to meet back up with the others. He got into his and Nott's room and made short work of getting out of his boots and frost bitten outer layer. The bed was nothing to write home about any other time, but in that moment he felt like a king at the end of a hard day, settling into a bed of silks and down. He curled up in on himself tightly under the covers and relaxed as the cold slowly drained from his limbs.

The door creaked open and Caleb, upon realizing he hadn't locked it, squinted one eye open to make sure the intruder wasn't life threatening. Not that he really cared at this point. Mollymauk stood there with a mug in both hands, one steaming something fierce. He carefully kicked the door shut behind him and wandered over the bed. “I got you some hot mulled wine. I can't stand the stuff, but Yasha swore by it whenever anyone got sick in the circus.”

Caleb had seen Mollymauk down some truly heinous concoctions. The kind of shit even Nott wouldn't go near. He frowned at him. “I'm not sick, 'm just _cold_.”

“Well this will warm you right up,” he grinned and held out the steaming mug towards Caleb.

Caleb didn't move.

Mollymauk sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding the mug in Caleb's direction. “Just...just humor me, please.”

Now that, that was something Caleb couldn't bring himself to argue. Mollymauk looked genuinely concerned. He tried not to groan too much as he shifted and pushed himself up, scooting back against the headboard. He reached out and held the hot cup in both of his hands, appreciating the heat at least. The look on his companion's face encouraged him to take a sip. To his utter surprise, it was delicious.

He pulled away and blew off some of the steam, holding it close to his chest. He was eager now for it to cool down enough for him to take larger drinks. “This is very good.”

Mollymauk situated himself, scooting back against the wall and draping his legs over Caleb's blanket covered feet. The tentative look on his face as he glanced up at Caleb made it pretty clear he was making sure this was okay with him. He was entirely too tired and too cold to care anymore, he told himself, not wanting to acknowledge the ache in his chest over the kind gesture.

They fell into a comfortable silence, interrupted only after Caleb set down his mug and scratched at his beard. It seemed Mollymauk had been close to dozing off but at the faint sound of it, his eyes snapped up and towards Caleb, only for the tension to fade away once he took in the sight of him using both hands to itch under his own chin like he often did to Frumpkin.

“You know, I kinda like the beard,” Mollymauk said with a voice too smug and sweet. “It makes you look..." He waved his hand idly in the air as he contemplated his options.  "...sturdier.”

Caleb kept itching for a few more seconds before letting out a satisfied sigh and slumping back against the headboard. “I'm glad you like my beard,” he replied. “I must admit, it's been growing on me.”

Mollymauk barked with immediate, surprised laughter that faded off into a groan. “Oh, Caleb. Your jokes have been getting _worse_ ,” he teased.

As he settled back down into the bed, Caleb couldn't help but grin. “As long as they make you laugh, Mollymauk, I'm not concerned about my comedic integrity.”

“That's good, darling. Because you definitely don't have any after that one.” Caleb could hear the smile in his voice.

“This is nice,” he mumbled instead. “We should do this more often.”

Mollymauk snorted again. “What? Fuck off in bed at noon?”

“It is still well before noon.... and yes. Spending time together.”

A few beats of silence passed before a careful tone met the sleepy human's ear. “If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were flirting with me, Caleb.”

“Ahh,” he sighed. “It is a very good thing you don't know any better, then, Mollymauk.”

 


End file.
